Seeking: Extroverted child of introverted parents

[beth_leonard]

I remember some time ago one of my friends posting in their blog that they were the extroverted child of introverted parents, in the Myers-Briggs, "where do you get your energy?" sense of the words. Now I can't remember who it was who said this. If it was you, I'd love some tips for the introverted parent of an extroverted toddler. What does he need most? How can I meet those needs without going insane?

He's wonderful for about the first hour or two that I'm watching him, and then I just need to recharge, but he keeps wanting more Mommy time and attention. We have "family play time" from after family dinner at 6 until bed time at 8pm where both parents focus on the kids, but during the long afternoons I'd like to find a way to have some time not directly interacting with him while still meeting his needs.

--Beth

Comments

[zathrus.livejournal.com]

I was a bit more fortunate in one respect -- my extrovert is my second child, so he's always had an older sister around to play with. As Amber becomes a possible playmate for Peter, this will help.

You can start encouraging him to interact with her in various ways now -- I remember that T. was only a few months old when I started asking D. to "read" him a book during those times when I was trying to get something done (usually supper) and he was starting to want attention again. It helped her feel useful, and it kept him entertained for an extra 5 minutes or so. (Note: At the time, D. obviously could not read, and was in fact only just starting to talk. He still loved the attention, and I think it helped start his love of books, which are still one of the few ways available to get him to sit still.) I'm sure there are other possible variations on the theme.

Depending on how much time you need to recharge, it could also be helpful to set up a predictable pattern of interaction and recharging -- for example, a pattern of playing together for one game or one hour or whatever, then him cleaning up or playing independently for 10-15 minutes while you check email (or whatever), then you'll be available to do stuff together again. If the pattern's predictable, he can be more confident that he'll get more time with you without having to beg for it right now. Or, maybe you and Jon could trade off some with this, if the schedule allows.

Let me know if you find some good solutions!

Newt

[beth_leonard]

It is in particular the pre-dinner hour that is most difficult. Made more difficult by Daddy tutoring a client in the room next to the kitchen, so we have to keep quiet. I also have to keep the baby safe. He does love to hug her. Sometimes she doesn't love that so much.

Predictable patterns could work. I will have to try that. Today he got a fever after nap time, so I'll start something after I'm sure he's feeling better.

--Beth

[geofizzgirl.livejournal.com]

Ok, this might not be as easy as I make it sound, but I had Karen working with me in the kitchen starting around her second birthday.

Can you maybe enlist his help in getting dinner ready? That way he can have the time interacting with you that he needs, while still allowing you to accomplish what needs to be done.

Two year olds can:
*Wash lettuce, spin in the salad spinner (or shake in a bag with paper towels), and tear the lettuce.
*Wash veggies.
*Cut mushrooms with a plastic knife.
*Get things out of the fridge and pantry.
*Mix things in a bowl (pick a larger bowl than you would ordinarily choose to avoid too much spilling due to enthusiastic stirring)
*Set the table -- at least get napkins and silverware on the table
*Draw a place mat for everyone.
*Taste pasta to see if it's cooked.

[beth_leonard]

Thanks! It's easy to forget how much they can do when I concentrate on what he can't do. I need to rember to start dinner earlier to allow time for training. That's a big point in the Positive Discipline books, I just need to do it.

--Beth

[zathrus.livejournal.com]

I hear you on the pre-dinner and safety issues! The crock pot is a wonderful help for the pre-dinner hour -- it moves the real cooking time to the morning. My other favorite trick when T. was a baby was to pre-chop everything at the earliest convenient time -- i.e., start chopping veggies, meat, etc., for that night's supper in the morning, put them in containers or plastic baggies in the fridge when they were ready to go, and then I could just dump into appropriate pots at the appropriate time and have a hot, stove-cooked meal quickly with very little hassle.

I second Geofizzgirl's comments on getting kids to help you in the kitchen, although I will say that some kids are ready for this much earlier than others -- D. was helping by 18 months, T. not until, well, very recently (he just turned 3). And putting the baby in some sort of wrap/carrier on your back can be helpful, too; gets her out of the way, but still close enough to see lots of activity going on.

Newt