Sleep: yours, mine, and ours

[beth_leonard]

Amber has been waking in the middle of the night again for food. She has a cold so it's covered under acceptable use. But I really wish she wouldn't. This is the second cold in two weeks and we only had a few days of all-night sleep (until 4:30 or 5 am) between colds.

Peter has been waking up basically every night. We've trained him to be quiet and go to Daddy's side of the bed and get Daddy. Jon goes into Peter's room and then does whatever he does with him. This is acceptable to me, but not to Jon.

We talked about what we could do about it tonight.


I had not realized until I heard myself talking the intensity of my emotions on this subject. I cannot go back to dealing with Peter (and Amber) in the middle of the night every night. If once in a while, even as often as once or twice a week, he has a bad dream and needs some comfort in the middle of the night, then yes of course I can comfort him and put him back to bed. But not every night. Not any more. Getting a complete uninterrupted night of sleep matters so much. I cannot do this any more.

Jon is coming to that point too, which is why he brought it up tonight. I suggested we try a different sleep doctor. He was unsatisfied with the results of the last one and is understandably reluctant to try again. I find that I feel we should just lock Peter in his room all night and other uncharitable thoughts. No it's not good for him, but we need the sleep. Perhaps we should look into a night nanny instead. Or re-do the sleep associations section of the Ferber book, with limit setting thrown in. But I still feel it's the fears chapter that is Peter's problem. The end of that chapter says something like, "and if all this doesn't work, you may need professional help." I think we are at that point again. Somebody needs professional help. We all need sleep.

I could help Jon out if Amber was sleeping through again. So perhaps the way about it is to work on Amber getting over her cold and go from there. When we get her out of our room into her own room perhaps we can better share responsibilities for Peter.

--Beth

Comments

[jon-leonard.livejournal.com]

Ah, the perils of late-night discussion.

My needs are somewhat less extravagant. I was mostly observing that I'm just not getting enough sleep (bedtime with Beth: 11 or 11:30, wake up with Peter: 7:30, maybe 8, with interruptions). So, I either need to go to bed earlier, or take a few naps during the week. (No day this week has been suitable, for a combination of work & child care reasons.)

Long term I want Peter to sleep through the night, without my having to be there, but I view the current situation as an improvement. It feels (to me) like gradual progress, and until that stalls, I want to keep trying.

My issue with that particular set of sleep doctors was that they didn't tell us much of interest. Most telling was when I asked what they'd do if a sleep study didn't turn up anything. They said that they weren't prepared to discuss that until after we'd coughed up the $6000, albeit not in so many words. (And I really don't think it's primarily physiological.)

Poor family.

[robszewczyk.livejournal.com]

Sleep deprivation is hard. I hope you will manage to deal with it somehow; I hope to be able to help at some point.

Your comments made me think about a Polish sci-fi story by Edmund Wnuk-Lipinski. He wrote a very interesting trilogy about a totalitarian society. One of the characters is a rebel, and gets sent in to a "rehab" facility. After he attacks one of the doctors there, he and his friend are assigned a rather elaborate punishment: they are fitted with bracelets that emit electric shocks when the other partner falls asleep. After a few days, they are ready to do just about anything just to keep the other from sleeping. Later we find out that one of the nurses at the facility had undergone the rehab and that punishment in particular, and after several days of this found a way out: the sensors that monitored sleep did not go off when the partner was dead. The Apostezjon trilogy is definitely worth reading - I'm not doing justice to the story here and the above scene is a minor element of the story, but it got burned in my mind. Your post about lack of sleep brought it to the fore.

Rob

[(Anonymous)]

This is Melissa here... I think it is entirely reasonable to want a good night's sleep. This is really important for so many reasons. I haven't got the time to review all the history, but I can recommend that a child who falls asleep on his/her own is going to be more likely to go back to sleep after an awakening. If you are with him as he goes to sleep and then not there when he wakes up, I can imagine he would be scared. Based on an n of 12 or so, the parents and kids who are getting more sleep are those who have set some strict boundaries about reading/singing, etc. and then saying good night and leaving while the child is still awake but drowsy. Similar reaction to nighttime awakenings (reassuring, tucking in, saying good night, leaving).

Joel and I would be happy to come over and help at any time, or to take Peter for a night to see if he has the same pattern in a different location.

Hoping that the "extra hour" today has meant more sleep for all the Leonards!

[si-anenome.livejournal.com]

Hi Beth... it's Carol. I don't know if you are still having nighttime issues, but I have a suggestion. Give Peter a little book light and a bag of picture books or an age appropriate cd or tape player that he can listen to lulabyes on. Something he can do if he wakes up that doesn't involve getting Dad or Mom. Give him the "big kid" schpeal about staying in his big kid bed with his big kid books and light. A little water bottle is good too -- get one of the personalized ones from Learning Express or get one and personalize it yourself.

[beth_leonard]

Hi! Thanks for the ideas. I assume this is Carol of Carol and Drew?

--Beth